Socio-linguist, Todd Gitlin, decries the state of contemporary public oratory and writing.  He maintains that contrasting forces work to derail fluent writing, the shorthand nature of electronic messaging, and the trend of writing that reflects the wordiness of spoken language.

Focusing on the latter phenomenon, content analyses of the writing of both grade school and college students find an overuse of passive voice.   Passive voice constructs sentences where a subject is acted upon, rather than serving as an agent of action.  Passively composed sentences are often wordy and dull, lacking a fluidity that sustains reader involvement.

Consider the following simple sentence written in passive voice:

The snake was coiling to strike.

Eliminating the passive verb, “was,” in a sentence portraying action reads:

The snake coiled to strike.

Note the more active, even tense image offered by the second sentence.

Now consider a lengthier passively written sentence that begs for a more concise, active interpretation.

Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of us all.

The wordiness of this sentence compromises the urgency of the message.  Now consider this revision in active voice written in fewer than half the words:

People disobeying safety rules endanger the public.

Students composing important essays often experience stress in attempting to devise sentences that sound formal.  As an example, compare the following two sentences, the first written in passive voice, the second in active style.

The subject that was most often addressed by the poets of the 16th Century was romanticism. 

Rewritten in active voice, consider:

16th Century poets most often addressed the theme of romanticism. 

Both sentences are grammatically correct, but with six fewer words, the second sentence delivers a more concise statement.

A classroom assignment to encourage greater use of active voice employed a painting created by Edgar Degas, chosen from my book, The Magic Museum.  The Degas image, “Dance Class at the Opera, 1972, was chosen because it portrays characters in action.

Students began this exercise with the straightforward assignment to write a concise description that captured the essence of the artwork.  Yet, despite this incentive to compose an action-oriented description, consider this typical student attempt:

The practice room was filled with dancers.  Some were stretching at the bar so they could be limber for their lesson.  Other dancers were seated and watching while the dance teacher was directing a performer.

Transforming these lines to a single sentence written in active voice might read:

In the crowded practice room, some dancers stretched at the bar, while others sat watching the dance master instruct a soloist.

The fluid description of the second description, written in 14 fewer words, concisely captures the panorama of action and better sustains reader interest.

In striving to make sentences more active, consider means to reduce the words, be, is, are, was, were, has been, will be, and being.

While passive voice has its place, learning to practice writing that honors the primacy of active voice, will help to transform students into polished writers with a clear, active voice.

About The Author:

The Magic Museum, The Isaacson Series in Youth Literature - An enchanting children's book that tells the story of a 12-year old skateboarder (Jack) and a ballerina (Jacqueline) who whispers to him from an Edgar Degas painting in a fine arts museum. A wonderful way for parents to introduce fine art and engage children (ages 8 to 12 years old) in the art of visual storytelling and imagination. 
For More Information on The Magic Museum Book, visit - http://www.isaacsonseries.com