Deal With Elderly Incontinence Denial Head On

If your loved one is still cognitively sound, but simply prefer to live in denial about this new development in their health, try appealing to their sense of vanity. After all, vanity is what keeps us in denial about many age-related issues. Our culture is guilty of ageism to the extent that many people go to extremes to appear as though they are winning this losing battle against time.

Certainly, incontinence is very difficult to accept. However, if you, or a third party, can convince your mom or dad that it’s much more embarrassing to smell like urine than it is to wear proper protection, you may get somewhere. Promise to work with them to find a comfortable, absorbent, and low-profile solution that will enable them to maintain their dignity, extend their independence and improve their appearance. Incontinence frequently causes seniors to withdraw and become less active so they can avoid embarrassing situations, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

Woman to woman or man to man talks can have better results but not every family has that luxury. There are times when a son must talk to mom and a daughter has to talk to dad. In any of these situations, remember to be empathetic and understanding. This will help the parent be less embarrassed and more comfortable. You also want to pick a pleasant time to have the incontinence talk with your parent. Go for a walk in the park, sit on a bench outside, or do an activity that your loved one enjoys a lot like cards or a hobby. The goal is to create an environment that makes your parent feel secure and safe while discussing the topic of incontinence. Finally, you want to practice your tone and body language because they communicate 70% of your message. More than any words you say. Practice rehearsing to be sure you have everything right. You want to come across as calm and helpful. If you are frustrated and let it show, you may come across as angry and resentful. Practicing will help you present yourself in the best possible way.

Having the Conversation

Begin with the end in mind by having a goal for the conversation. Speak with gentleness, compassion, and understanding when you talk to your parent about incontinence, so they do not feel ashamed. This will help your loved one feel more comfortable and less embarrassed. Open very gently and very slow so they do not feel threatened or defensive. Next tell them openly and honestly about your concerns. Address the things you have seen around the house. It is okay to be detailed about your observations of the nature and frequency of their accidents.

Hopefully, they will be responsive to your conversation about their incontinence. If they feel comfortable discussing it, they may continue the conversation with positive results. If on the other hand they deny the issue, do not give up – keep talking. Focus more on their symptoms and remember to be sympathetic to their situation and feelings of embarrassment. Continue to speak in a loving tone that makes them comfortable. Focus on making incontinence a normal part of aging. Above all else, do not make them feel ashamed or ostracized because of their incontinence.

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